Nov 16, 2013
Posted in category: Dogs
You may have noticed when shopping at your local Walmart, or wherever you go, that the prices of dog treats have been rising at a steady rate.
The upward price spiral is pretty frightening, and it's no use trying to explain to your dogs that you're going to have to take out a second mortgage and get another job just to supply their treat habit. Do they care? Nah! Just hand over the goods and shut up about your money troubles. That's their attitude. Treats, treats, treats, that's all they think about, the beggars!
That's why I'm going to start lobbying for the Affordable Treat Act. We dog owners (companions, or what have you) need some federal assistance in providing our hungry and needy dogs with the requisite supply of treats. Otherwise known as their daily 'fix.'
So, how about this. We set up a website where you can get all sorts of monthly treat plans. Choose from crunchy treats, soft treats, training treats, dental treats, arthritis treats, and so on and so forth. You get the idea.
Plus, we could have special deals that include various rawhide chews, or pig ears, or bones, or whatever you use to get your dog to lie down and chomp for a few minutes so you can get something non-dog done in your day - or at least started. After all, as soon as you strip the sheets off the bed and start making it up again, Fido has already gulped that rawhide and is jumping up on the unmade bed, ready for a little play time.
Okay, so you decide to enroll in our brilliant scheme - you're just drooling for those government subsidized treats. You hit the website, sign up and choose your treat package. You could get a few boxes of crunchy treats and an assortment of soft treats - beef, chicken, oatmeal and raisin, pomegranate and pork - whatever your dog is nuts about.
Add in some of those specialty treats that solve every health problem a dog ever had, and throw in a choice supply of long-lasting (5 minute minimum, guaranteed) chew items, and you're set.
On a monthly basis, the good ol' gov will send you your package of treats via the postal service. (Sorry, no UPS or FedEx.) Just think, a monthly supply delivered right to your doorstep. No shopping required.
AND, think of the savings!! Once those subsidies kick in, you'll probably be paying less than half of what you paid before!
Now, you may ask, where are those subsidies going to come from? Cat owners, of course. Why should they get a break just because dogs eat more treats than cats do? Why should they benefit from cats snacking on the free supply of mice out there? They're going to have to chip in and help out. It only makes sense!
Now, if it so happens that this little idea just doesn't set your tail a-waggin', no problem. If you like your present treat shopping plan, you can keep it. The rest of us dog people won't mind at all - those cat people can make up the diff.
Anyway, what do you think? Original, isnt' it? Sound good? Think it'll work?