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Jul 5, 2013 by pippalou
Posted in category: Dogs

It was just last night that that it happened. 9:07pm exactly. The final straw, one step too far, the proverbial line crossed. I shudder to think back on it!

But first, I want you to realize that I am a good dog. They say, “Sit,” I sit. They say, “Come,” I come. Well....most of the time anyway. There are certain times in life when no dog can tear himself away just because somebody makes an arbitrary decision to move on!

Back to last night. There was company for dinner. The first indignity came with the paw-shaking nonsense. I mean, really! What is the point of holding out your paw and having some joker pump your leg up and down a few times?

II don't get the joke, but at least I get paid!
“Good boy!” they say, laughing uproariously. I don't get the joke, but at least I get paid. Yes, I know. Greed, that's all it is. I hang my head in shame!

All during dinner on that fateful evening, wasn't I a really good boy? Of course! I snoozed peacefully on my special bed in the corner, never barked, never begged. The best dog imaginable.

After dinner, they all tromped into the living room to sit around and gab and laugh. The usual.

And me? Do you really think I'd get up from my nice comfy bed and a nice sleep just to listen to that? Nah. I stayed put, like any decent dog would.

Then, I heard them call me. I opened my eyes,  my ears pricked up and turned in the direction of the voice. Could it be free treats? A bonus for being so good? Anything's possible, I thought.

I trotted in, all unsuspecting, a big smile on my face. “C'mon,” they said. “Do your trick! Roll over!”

I stopped dead in my tracks. Roll over? In front of strangers? Were they joking? They weren't. “Come on, boy! Roll over! You know how to do it!”

Yeah, I know how to do it, and if you think I'm going to humiliate myself that way before a bunch of bozos I never met before tonight, you can forget it! I turned and stalked out, tail and head held high in righteous indignation.

Oh, they tried to tempt me back. “Extra treats!” Shameful as it is, I admit I hesitated. But, no. One must be strong! Some things are more important than food. (Don't tell the guys I said that!)

I howled all the neighborhood dogs to a meeting right then and there. After many moons of serious deliberation, we drafted our now famous Bill of K9 Rights.

RollingRolling over for a back itch

  1. We have the right to choose any tricks we do.

  2. We have the right to refuse to do tricks you choose.

  3. We have the right to resist leg pumping (in human terms, shaking hands). Or, as Butch, our neighborhood pit bull, wanted to put it, grab my paw and you draw back a nub, chump!

  4. We have the right NOT to roll over. Ever.

  5. We have the right TO roll over if we have a back itch. Or, if we happen upon one of those irresistible heady aromas that we just have to take home with us to properly savor.

  6. We have the right to be paid for any tricks or regular obedience stunts (sit, stay, etc).

  7. We have the right to be paid with Treats only. None of that filthy paper and metal stuff they call money. What's the use of that?

  8. We have the right to have rights! (Chippy, head of the neighborhood chihuahua gang, insisted on this one in a very shrill, grating sort of voice, so we included it to shut him up.)

    WeWe have the right to have rights!

  9. We have the right NOT to be discriminated against. After all, have you ever seen anyone make a cat do tricks? A hamster? A rabbit or a guinea pig? Okay, maybe a monkey, but after all they aren't called monkeys for no reason? Eh? (Nudge, nudge. Wink, wink.)

  10. And finally...(okay, this last one has nothing to do with the subject at hand, but we thought we'd just throw it in. Socrates, our neighborhood Border Collie, said that's how it's always done in government circles.) We have the right to bark when, where, how and for however long we please!

With our prized document complete, we proudly presented it to the Home Owners Association. Did they applaud? Ooh and aah at our brilliant creation? Approve our Bill overwhelmingly?

No. They laughed at us, kicked us out of the building and threw our Bill out after us.

HungerHunger Strike
So, now, we're on a hunger strike. If that doesn't get us what we want, nothing will!

We have all, every one of us, resolved not to eat another thing until they recognize our Bill of Rights as an official document.

Or until dinner time comes. Whichever comes first.

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