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Feb 22, 2013 by pippalou
Posted in category: Dogs

I read in the local paper about a dog adoption event, and it got me thinking. A lot of my friends have connected with the right dog, and they get lots of love and companionship out of the bargain, so I decided I'd give it a try.

The event was only a few days away, but luckily they still had room for another human. Early on the big day, I arrived at the pet store, took my assigned seat at the end of the toy aisle and waited in breathless expectation.

Glancing around at the other potential adoptees, I noticed I wasn't the only one who was nervous. The lady sitting at the end of the dog food aisle kept smoothing her hair with little pats, and the boy on the treats row tapped his foot with maddening monotony.

It seemed ages that we sat and waited, but finally a silence fell.   I sat up, alert and ready.  The dogs!  Here they came, strolling in quite casually and looking us over.

There were various breeds, colors, sizes and I watched them all with great interest, until a sharp noise suddenly vaulted me six feet in the air.

I landed safely back in my seat, trembling violently.  Looking down, I found the source of the noise, a small fluffy specimen of some eight or so pounds who was definitely quite pleased with himself.

\I don't think you'll do!
“Scared ya, did I?” he asked. “Well, I speak my mind whenever I like. And for however long I like. If you can't live with that, I'd better move on.”

“I'm sorry. It was so unexpected,” I said. “Such sudden barking! And so loud!”

He drew himself up haughtily. “Barking? I don't bark, I speak my mind, weigh in with my opinion and generally voice my thoughts.   And loud? That was a standard volume greeting. You haven't heard loud!”

I started to clap my hands over my ears, but he turned away in haughty disgust, twitched his tail once and waddled off, throwing me a parting shot. “I don't think you'll do!”

Cringing a bit at this dismissal, but even so feeling it was for the best, I noticed a Goliath of a dog considering me from a short distance. The head of this one was bigger than the whole of that speak-your-mind pipsqueak.

He walked over to see me closer, his large, sad eyes gazing woefully, while the massive forehead corrugated in little rolls of worry. “Do you have a mop?” he asked in a deep, slow voice.

“Mop?” I echoed.

He nodded. “Mop. You have to have your own mop and know how to operate it.”

My eyes followed his to the floor where an iridescent river of drool had already formed and was slowly growing one drip at a time.

“Sorry!” I said, trying to conceal my repugnance. “I don't even know what a mop is!”

The big sad eyes looked away, filled with infiinite sorrow. Ponderously, he padded off and stopped before the next person. “Do you have a mop?” I heard him say once again.

SheShe stared with a mesmerizing intensity
Before I had time to regret letting him down, my attention was caught by a sleek black and white dog creeping up on me and staring at me with a mesmerizing intensity.

“Got a job for me?” she asked. Before I could answer, she continued rapidly, “Have to have a job. And at least fifty acres. And preferably some livestock. You know, sheep, goats, cows, geese, ducks, whatever, we're not too picky. Can't take on some layabout who lets us out twice a day and throws us a bone now and then. We want work. Work, work, work!  We wanna go, go, go!!!”

Too dazed to reply, I merely stared, and she rolled her eyes and shook her head. Some of them are so dumb! I heard her muttering.

I wasn't doing too well. Already,  two people had been adopted and left, led out by their new dogs, and here I still sat, unclaimed and unloved.

Suddenly, something cold and wet shoved itself into my hand. “Oh!” I yelped. A fairly large dog grinned at me.  Sweet face, soft brown eyes, gently wagging tail.  He looked very nice.  I hoped he'd like me.

“When I do that, he said, – put my nose in your hand – you have to pet me. Every time. It's a command.”

He reached up his nose and started prodding my arm. “Your pitching arm's a little out of shape, I think, but we could work on it. Let's see your form.  Throw your purse!”

“What?” I asked.

“Throw your purse, and I'll retrieve it for you.”

I shrugged and tossed my purse. He ran after it, grabbed it, brought it back and handed it to me, all in less than a minute. “Do it again!”

I did it again. And so did he. “Do it again!” Was this ever going to stop?

\Your bed is my bed...
“You seem fairly trainable,” he said. “Do you learn quickly? Are you obedient?” All this time, the appealing grin, the big brown eyes, the wagging tail.

“You'll have to obey - you know - do what I say. If you agree, we can talk terms. Of course, your bed will be my bed, and your couch my couch, your comfy chair my comfy chair... Oh, and I need toys. Lots of toys. And don't forget, I'm a lap dog! And...”

“Wait!” I cried. “Lap dog?  Why you must weigh...

Seventy pounds, he said proudly.

Lap dogs are little dogs!  I don't think...

“Oh, forget it!  If you ask me, your knees are way too bony for my comfort!!” He stalked off in a huff.

A rather gentle-looking dog came next.  Calmly and quietly, he looked me over, wagged his tail a few times and sat down in front of me.

ThisThis one is just right
“You look nice,” he said. “Do you have a house? With, maybe, a floor I could sleep on?” I nodded. “A small bit of grass to mosey around, stretch out on?” he asked. I nodded again.

“Well, he went on, I do like a peaceful sort of life, and if you won't yell too much, and you don't need too much exercise, and you won't try to get me to learn tricks, I think we might get along. Whaddaya say?”

Just my style.

My new owner and I went straight home and settled in. I got a sweet companion, and he got his house, floor, grass, not too much exercise and neither one of us does tricks.

And we lived happily ever after!

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