Spoiler alert: This is NOT a story of online crime. It is a phount of phoolishness. If sheer nonsense ophphends you, please do not read.
The annual Phlounder's Phounders
phestival was in phull swing, phathoms deep in Phuller Lake. All the
phreshwater phish who were anybody were there. Everywhere
phashionable phish sipped phizzy phizzles and munched on Spam.
The entertainment had just begun when
Phreddie Phlounder phlailed in with phins a-phlapping.
“Help! Police! Murder Most Phoul!”
cried Phreddie in a voice philled with phear.
The phestivities phailed momentarily.
Irritated phish phocused on Phreddie, pheeling peevish at this
interruption to their phishy phun.
“A phew phriends and I,” said
Phreddie, “were out phor a swim bephore coming to the party and
they saw some tasty Spam just phloating in the water. 'Spam! Our
Phave!', they yelled.
“Bephore my very eyes, they grabbed
the Spam and it phlung them up into the phatal air, and they
“Rather phar-phetched, isn't it,
phriends?” “Phoolishness!” “Phiddlesticks!”
“Sounds phairly phishy to me,”
scorned the beautiphul Phiona Phlatphish, phlicking her phabulous
Phreddie phrowned pherociously right in
Phiona's phace, and she swam ophph in a huphph.
“Phooey!” said a deep voice, and
complete silence phell. When the Oldest Phlounder spoke, phish
listened. His exact age was a mystery, but the years of his long
liphe far outnumbered that oph any other phish swimming.
“I hoped the day would never come
when when this phoul and philthy crime would descend on our
peacephul lake.” He paused for ephphect. “PHISHING! Phishing
is it's name!” His voice thundered through the waters.
“Phishing?” Phrenzied whispers
darted back and phorth as all the phish looked at one another in
bewilderment. Some rolled their phishy eyes, others casually sipped their
phizzy phizzles. “Some new-phangled word.” These phashionable
phish had little phaith in such phol-de-rol.
“When I was just a phledgling phish,”
the old one continued, “my phather phled phrom phishing and came
here to pursue a liphe of peace. Now the phishing has phollowed!”
“Phor Phrank's sake, what is
it?” asked the phish. “Dephine this Phishing!”
The old one shook his head sorrowfully.
“Humans drop what they call a line in the water. At the end oph
it is a hook. They phasten phresh phood on the hook. When a
phoolish phish goes to phetch the phood... BAM!! He bites the hook,
and they haul him out phlopping and phrightened.
“And then,” he phixed them with his
bulging phish-eye, “they EAT him!”
Pandemonium phollowed this phinal
phrase. Phemales wailed, small phry sobbed, phear prevailed.
“Phishing,” said the Oldest
Phlounder in his deepest, most impressive voice, “is a phoul and
phiendish menace! Those who go Phishing are out to ruin us! We
So they all phlew phrom Phuller's.
Phast and phurious, phrantic phrom phear, phinally phinding a home
upstream in a wildliphe rephuge - peacephul phamiliy living,
anti-phishing controls, phree Spam phor pheasting and phizzy phizzles
phor all on Phridays.